zenjones

Oh, I had opinions. Like, everything about Questhaven is wrong. Starting with the name. We Ordinary Minders are not on a quest. We know that everything we have is right here; it’s only a matter of becoming aware. And the pictures were the kitchiest I’ve ever experienced outside a museum. And the religious iconography! Jesus Christ as Lord Mountbatten, that image in every room as if to say, “He was really one of us.”

But eventually the opinions calmed down, and there was lots of sitting quite happily amid the wild natural surroundings. I was most aware of the sounds of the animals; of the sound of the crows’ wings in flight, the cricket in the corner, and the coyotes singing their raucous song. Oh, and the birds! At sunrise and sunset it was impossible to separate out the individual songs there were so many.

I was jisha this sesshin and it was the perfect job for me. I could exercise my planning brain for something functional and immediate. Once the planning brain had its fun, it left me alone a little to be present. I tried to have people outside as much as possible, to see the stars and feel the cool breeze.

On the way home, John told us he was leaving our group. That was a big deal for several reasons. There was the loss of John’s energy and enthusiasm, which I’ve felt has added some lightness and humor to our group. And there was the surprise of it: in my experience, people don’t usually leave after they’ve been with us for a year or two. So I will miss John, but I am happy that he will have an opportunity to find a practice that fits him better.

Of all the sesshins I’ve attended, I felt more connected to this group, and more able to be present. Although I feel very much at home with our Santa Rosa gang, I’m usually part of the monitor team and so I am often taken up with problem solving, coordinating, and helping during our sesshins. And in San Diego, the locals there are the experts and I spend time trying to figure out how to “act as one” when I don’t know what action is called for. But at Questhaven, we were all just figuring it out as we went along, so there was more room for mistakes, more acceptance of my own awkwardness.