“To what am I attached right now?”
Right now? I’m attached to the schedule I’ve created. I’m attached to not accomplishing it, to failing. In order to hold off the realization that I’m going to fail, I’m very attached to planning. Okay, if I don’t worry about practice period and if i put off that bike ride with my husband and just stay right here and work… Hmmm. Maybe I’m attached to work as evidence that I am valuable.
Wow. That thought allowed me to take a deep old breath. I like this practice period.
Last Monday, when he was talking about p.p. (as Ellen calls it), Ezra said that one of the things we might notice was “moments of simple delight.” I love that phrase.
I think I’m attached to that concept.
Yesterday, “notice blaming” was my wake up call. I set my Outlook program to remind me every half hour, and, interestingly enough, there was actually one time when it binged on when I wasn’t blaming anyone! However, when I noticed myself blaming my husband for my crankiness, or blaming my husband for my lateness, or, wait a minute, maybe it is his fault! No, no. I tried to also notice if I was then blaming myself for blaming. What a convoluted concept.
What a good idea to set an Outlook reminder. I copied this idea immediately and set an Entourage reminder to remind me that life is going on outside of whatever task I am absorbed in–that is, asleep through–at the moment. When the reminder comes up, I’m supposed to stop working and do some small thing that also needs attention but has been shunted to the side. My p.p. theme is awareness of small things.