It faded over last weekend. And the thing I miss most is the confidence. I don’t know if that’s exactly what I’d call it. But I didn’t second-guess myself. If I wanted to do something, then it was the right thing to do, and I was off doing it. Now, since the big fade, I talk myself out of it. I stay home. I don’t take chances. I don’t try new things. I don’t expand my world.<\/p>\n
I’ve always liked self-help programs. I like the way they lay it all out. The way they say, Do this and this, and you will be cured! Your problem will go away!<\/em> I like that illusion of control. But I long ago recognized that they don’t work. I’ve only bought one or two self-help books, and that was after a lot of research. And they didn’t work.<\/p>\n Still I clung to my attraction. All I needed was the right key, the right instruction, and suddenly I would be all better.<\/p>\n I turned to my zen practice in a moment of clarity, 15 years ago. But I never saw, ’til this sesshin, how my practice could affect those fears that hold me back. I thought it would be an intellectual thing–I’m an intellectual, that’s where I like to play. But it wasn’t.<\/p>\n It was something in my body. And I want it back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It faded over last weekend. And the thing I miss most is the confidence. I don’t know if that’s exactly what I’d call it. But I didn’t second-guess myself. If I wanted to do something, then it was the right thing to do, and I was off doing it. Now, since the big fade, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-78","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=78"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=78"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=78"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=78"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}