{"id":42,"date":"2007-10-08T05:30:09","date_gmt":"2007-10-08T13:30:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net?p=42"},"modified":"2007-10-08T05:30:09","modified_gmt":"2007-10-08T13:30:09","slug":"last-week-of-practice-period","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/?p=42","title":{"rendered":"Last Week of Practice Period"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"smilingstoneface.jpg\"<\/a>And today is, once again, non-manifestation of anger day. For most of p.p. I didn’t have too much anger. But I can feel it more often now. And I think it has to do with the dread of a new situation\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u009da new living situation, a new city to get used to, a new job, new people. This morning I found myself wishing I could just curl up and stay in Healdsburg.<\/p>\n

So I notice the spiky-ness. It seems I become aware of it in time to prevent myself from “manifesting” it about 20% of the time. Which seems like a lot, considering most of my life I believed my anger, I believed that that person<\/em> was the cause of my anger, and if they’d just get it together to act right, I wouldn’t be angry.<\/p>\n

I can’t believe how deeply conditioned I am to this. I remember my parents screaming at us, “You make me so mad!” And my little brother\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u009dat age two\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u009dgetting spanked for bad table manners, because the bad table manners made my father so mad!<\/em> I have tried to discuss this with my brother, now that he has children of his own, but he agrees with my father. After a particularly stomach-turning meal\u00c3\u201a with lots of yelling and threatening,\u00c3\u201a I tried to explain that that kind of behavior\u00c3\u201a has all kinds of negative ramifications, including, possibly, my own anorexia as a young adult, his 12-year-old daughter’s anorexia, my father’s congestive heart failure, my brother’s own astronomical blood pressure and severe gout. But my brother comes back with,\u00c3\u201a “If they would just do what I said, I wouldn’t get mad.”\u00c3\u201a And my brother is a smart, sweet man who loves his children very much.<\/p>\n

So I will try to increase my “catches” to 30%, and for the rest, I’ll keep a card in my pocket and one in my wallet, asking “What do you feel angry about right now?” That includes all the other anger feelings like irritation and\u00c3\u201a annoyance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And today is, once again, non-manifestation of anger day. For most of p.p. I didn’t have too much anger. But I can feel it more often now. And I think it has to do with the dread of a new situation\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u009da new living situation, a new city to get used to, a new job, new […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-42","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=42"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=42"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=42"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=42"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}