{"id":24,"date":"2007-09-25T07:15:33","date_gmt":"2007-09-25T15:15:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net?p=24"},"modified":"2007-09-25T07:15:33","modified_gmt":"2007-09-25T15:15:33","slug":"24","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/?p=24","title":{"rendered":"The Gap"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/zenjones.canyonlink.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2007\/09\/200539353-001.jpg\" title=\"200539353-001.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" align=\"left\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2007\/09\/200539353-001.thumbnail.jpg\" hspace=\"4\" alt=\"200539353-001.jpg\" title=\"200539353-001.jpg\" \/><\/a>Oooh, I just had a flare up of anger. Wonder what it was all about. Heat in my chest, moving up to my throat, where there was a closed sensation, plus some agitation, a generalized buzz. My core belief was, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cHow dare she imply that this simple act I\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve asked of her is an imposition! After all I\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve done for her!\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d Oh, and then on to the martyr, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cI give and I give and when I ask one little thing\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u00a6\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d Hah!<\/p>\n<p>But I think the underlying fear was \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cI\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2m not worth her time; I\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve known all along that I don\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t deserve for people to do me favors, but now she\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s found out the truth. I\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2m worthless.\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d<\/p>\n<p>Deep breath. Still a little shaky-buzzy. Feel like crying.<\/p>\n<p>I\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve decided that the real gap in my practice is that spot right there\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u009dthe fear before I cover it up with the anger and the justifications and the lovely all-purpose martyrdom.<\/p>\n<p>No wonder I don\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t want to go to that spot. It feels yucky, scary, heavy, bad. But the truth is, <em>not<\/em> going there just gives it more juice. And it\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s a passing thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oooh, I just had a flare up of anger. Wonder what it was all about. Heat in my chest, moving up to my throat, where there was a closed sensation, plus some agitation, a generalized buzz. My core belief was, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cHow dare she imply that this simple act I\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve asked of her is an imposition! [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=24"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=24"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=24"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zenjones.bravoecho.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=24"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}